The opposite of loneliness (credits to Marina Keegan)

There are these things that we always wish we have done: the competitions, the apology, the boy sitting at the back of the classroom. Those things that we desire so hard but didn't dare to do it. The girl who cried in the canteen. The boy who stalked me. The fence that I didn't dare jump over.

Now that it is already gone and cannot be chased back ever. And that these are going to haunt us until we are on our death beds, the emptiness we feel when we are showering and in the darkness before we sleep deeply.

 I feel the same sentiment as Keegan when I am standing in the assembly, when I am packing my bag and during the exams---that others are somehow too far ahead, that they somehow have a even brighter future.That other girls are somehow prettier and smarter.That other are somehow already making the world a better place at your age or even younger. That you are somehow an extra piece which can fit in nowhere in this majestic puzzle.That it is somehow too late. That your dreams are nothing but a revery. That your life goals are fortitude and laughs at new year gatherings. That the reality shouts loud on your face to just give up. No one will hear you.

But we are so young, we are so young. We are 18. We have a future ahead; bright or misty, we don't know. We don't know if we are heading the right way. We don't know if we are going to arrive the last island in the great voyage. We don't know if we will be in the same place tomorrow. We don't know if we are doing things correctly. We don't know if our dreams are going to come true. We don't know if our efforts will end up in vain. We don't know so much.

Still I want to bet. I am so young. I don't know if  I will eventually get there. I don't know if the storm is going to be over. I don't know if I am able to do that. But let me take a risk and pour in whatever I have. I am going to play until they give in. Until all my tears and sorrows are finally compensated. To go to the place I dream all days and nights. To prove to my teachers and families that they didn't rely their hopes on the wrong person. That I can do it. That those who hurt me will live their lives in regretting. That I do not need to stare at the achievers and wish I were them.

There was so many who sat here before me. Who were also cried, lost and in vain and pain. Who also woke up suddenly from their sleep and stared into the eerie darkness,lost and wondering. Who also finally achieved what they desire. Knowing this,relieved, I feel safe.

With all of  them who are also fighting , working hard, somewhere in this world, I can feel the opposite of loneliness.That you are there, and I am here. That at somewhere sometime someone feels the same as I do.

That I am not alone.